April 3, 2009 Jobbing.com Arena 7:30 PM
I am in line for a chance to get in the "pit" at a Bruce Springsteen concert. Susan and Jack are in line with me. My brother in law Jim got here after we did and is in line but not with us. They start the drawing and crap we are not going to make it into the pit. But Jim does. We enter the arena after Jim and he says to me you want my pit pass? YES! So I automatically dump Susan ands Jack and head for the pit line. We will meet up later when the show is over. Praise the LORD! For cell phones.
I end up at the very end of the pit pass line. No worries.
For the ones who had a notion,
a notion deep inside
That it ain't no sin
to be glad you're alive
I wanna find one face
that ain't looking through me
I wanna find one place,
I wanna spit in the face of these badlands
The line starts to move. The race is on to the stage. We enter at one side of the arena floor and head for the stage at the other side of the floor. Now I have not actually run to the point of having both feet off of the ground in a while but tonight I am. I make it to the check point where I have to show my pit pass wrist band. No problem: I AM IN!
Having been in the pit at other shows I head for the right side of the stage. Almost everyone tries for center stage. I walk up to the stage right and one person is in front of me then the stage. Bliss
Nothing to do now but bide my time until Bruce comes out. So I watch my fellow pit people. Mostly my age (51) but some older and some younger. A lot of families. I meet a mom who tells me she and her family stayed at the same hotel as Bruce and his family. In fact she goes on about HANGING OUT WITH THEM! My BS radar kicks in. Her husband says to me do you want to see the pictures? Of course I say yes. I turns out they did hand out with Bruce and his family.
Bruce is supposed to hit the stage at 7:30 but the lady whose family hung out with Bruce, informs me Bruce told her the show will start at 8:30. I have a couple hours to wait. I am tired and standing up so I decide to beach myself on the floor and wait. A lot of people are on the floor sitting. The main side effect of cancer is fatigue. When I ride or drive in a car it wipes me out. The chance to sit down is nice and helping.
Right at 8:30 Bruce its the stage and opens with Badlands. So there I am standing in the pit. pumping my fist, singing at the top of my lungs, with tears streaming down my face. Because I am so grateful to God for having the chance one more time to be here and do this. In fact I am crying as I write this knowing I may not ever do it again. If I have to explain it you would not understand. Cancer sucks! Livestrong!
Monday, March 7, 2011
Monday, February 28, 2011
Ah my aching dogs. That was for my friend Debbie. An inside joke.
I had two heart attacks last January 2010 and a double by-pass last march 12, 2010. So I decided, on the advice of my health care provider, to stop working. After my my recovery and everyone went back to work and school. At home I sat. Insert the song "To Much Time On My Hands".
For about 9 weeks of constant care. I was on my own. I had things to do Cardiac rehab 3 times per week. Various doctors appointments. Uh, er well that's about it.
I have four dogs. A black lab named Maggie 12 years old. A white Terrier mix named Bianca 7 years old. A yellow Lab named Freedom 7 years old. A fawn colored mutt less than 1 year old named The Dude.
During the day they are my constant companions. When I get up, they get up. If I take a shower they are at different places in and just outside the bathroom. I eat breakfast, they sit around me hoping for a snack. To be honest since I became sick I have gotten much closer to my dogs.
At night when things are worst my 90 pound lab Freedom wedges herself next to me. It is as if she knows I need a hug.
Today is a typical day me at home wife and Jack at work and school. I could be worse.
Psalms 50
10 for every animal of the forest is mine,
and the cattle on a thousand hills.
11 I know every bird in the mountains,
and the insects in the fields are mine
Praise the LORD! Thank you LORD for dogs!
My dog Bianca!
I had two heart attacks last January 2010 and a double by-pass last march 12, 2010. So I decided, on the advice of my health care provider, to stop working. After my my recovery and everyone went back to work and school. At home I sat. Insert the song "To Much Time On My Hands".
For about 9 weeks of constant care. I was on my own. I had things to do Cardiac rehab 3 times per week. Various doctors appointments. Uh, er well that's about it.
I have four dogs. A black lab named Maggie 12 years old. A white Terrier mix named Bianca 7 years old. A yellow Lab named Freedom 7 years old. A fawn colored mutt less than 1 year old named The Dude.
During the day they are my constant companions. When I get up, they get up. If I take a shower they are at different places in and just outside the bathroom. I eat breakfast, they sit around me hoping for a snack. To be honest since I became sick I have gotten much closer to my dogs.
At night when things are worst my 90 pound lab Freedom wedges herself next to me. It is as if she knows I need a hug.
Today is a typical day me at home wife and Jack at work and school. I could be worse.
Psalms 50
10 for every animal of the forest is mine,
and the cattle on a thousand hills.
11 I know every bird in the mountains,
and the insects in the fields are mine
Praise the LORD! Thank you LORD for dogs!
Friday, February 25, 2011
The sofa or life that is the question
I was at a memorial for a husband of a friend of Susan. A parent of one of my former students came up to me to talk. We chatted for a while and she then asked me "So do you have to decided to get up of the couch everyday?" Wow what a good question!
I do not remember what I told her but I had to think about that question for a while. How have I decided to live with cancer? hmm
Well , a friend of mine Dave Briggs started coming up last July from The Phoenix area. He comes up once a week and we workout together. When he first started coming up I had just finished cardiac rehab. I started going to the rec center in cottonwood and doing my cardiac rehab program. Only now I was doing 20 min. on the treadmill in addition to my cardiac rehab routine.
Dave suggested I try doing some of the weight machines.To a guy who was a free weight person this was a big step down. But at Dave's suggestion and instruction,I tried the weight machines. And guess what? I liked it. It was painful but I had an idea on how to deal with the pain.
On my next appointment with my primary health care provider, Sue Albright THE BEST, I asked her if it was alright if I had to take 2 percocet to be able to workout? She replied " I would rather you take to percocet to workout than to sit on the sofa. OK insert the alleluia music here.
Now I was off to the races. I set a goal to lift ,aka, workout 3 times per week for six weeks. I made a chart on my computer and completed my goal. I set a new six week goal and started to include more free weights. For those of you who do not know free weights are the weights you add to a bar and use to lift. So I completed the second six week goal. Now I am doing bench press, curls, reverse curls, tricep extensions, deltoid raisers, bent over rowing and dead lifts with free weights. Still some weights machines but a good mix.
I have to be honest with you all. The pounds I lift are no where near what I used to lift back in the day. Mary has her name on the Mingus wall with records that I cannot do. But I am lifting. Some days I cannot do as much as other days but I am lifting. Some days I am to nauseous but I am lifting.
I also do cardio on my off lifting days. And my good friend Dave Briggs has payed my rec center membership for months now. We have known each other since 1970 through good times and bad times we have remained friends. After we workout we head for Brandies for breakfast and conversation. Talking about those glory days.
So as I have thought about it. I do not decide everyday to get out of bed or off of the sofa. I decided once to do it as long as I can.
Tomorrow my dogs.
I do not remember what I told her but I had to think about that question for a while. How have I decided to live with cancer? hmm
Well , a friend of mine Dave Briggs started coming up last July from The Phoenix area. He comes up once a week and we workout together. When he first started coming up I had just finished cardiac rehab. I started going to the rec center in cottonwood and doing my cardiac rehab program. Only now I was doing 20 min. on the treadmill in addition to my cardiac rehab routine.
Dave suggested I try doing some of the weight machines.To a guy who was a free weight person this was a big step down. But at Dave's suggestion and instruction,I tried the weight machines. And guess what? I liked it. It was painful but I had an idea on how to deal with the pain.
On my next appointment with my primary health care provider, Sue Albright THE BEST, I asked her if it was alright if I had to take 2 percocet to be able to workout? She replied " I would rather you take to percocet to workout than to sit on the sofa. OK insert the alleluia music here.
Now I was off to the races. I set a goal to lift ,aka, workout 3 times per week for six weeks. I made a chart on my computer and completed my goal. I set a new six week goal and started to include more free weights. For those of you who do not know free weights are the weights you add to a bar and use to lift. So I completed the second six week goal. Now I am doing bench press, curls, reverse curls, tricep extensions, deltoid raisers, bent over rowing and dead lifts with free weights. Still some weights machines but a good mix.
I have to be honest with you all. The pounds I lift are no where near what I used to lift back in the day. Mary has her name on the Mingus wall with records that I cannot do. But I am lifting. Some days I cannot do as much as other days but I am lifting. Some days I am to nauseous but I am lifting.
I also do cardio on my off lifting days. And my good friend Dave Briggs has payed my rec center membership for months now. We have known each other since 1970 through good times and bad times we have remained friends. After we workout we head for Brandies for breakfast and conversation. Talking about those glory days.
So as I have thought about it. I do not decide everyday to get out of bed or off of the sofa. I decided once to do it as long as I can.
Tomorrow my dogs.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Well, you know God can heal anything
There a lot of good Christen men and women in my life. I am thankful for them. Several different pastors have sat with Susan during the four major surgery's I have had in the last 10 years. I met parents of former students who tell me they are still praying for me. I have met total strangers in line at Wal-mart who have said "are you Mr. Atwell? Our church is praying for you!" My family at River Community Fellowship is always asking me how I am doing and praying for me. And of course all of my friends that pray for me. I am blessed
I am a Christian. Born again, washed in the blood. I regularly pray that my body is healed of cancer. I truly believe that God will heal me. It will either be here on earth or in heaven.
I hope and pray it is here on earth. But God's will be done.
Some of my Christian brethren I met on the street stop and ask me "what is the latest from the doctor?" Now here is what the good doc usually tells me. "Mr Atwell you still have numerous nodules in both lungs. The cancer has not spread and the radiation was well taken up in the last treatment. Because of the extensive nerve damage you will remain in pain. You remain at high risk for death". Yikes. So I tell people the doctors tell me they cannot cure me but can keep me alive for awhile. Then starts the: well now remember, doctors don't know the power of God, Doctors don't know everything, you tell them God is in control and the like.
I have learned to take their comments in stride . They mean well. I do really believe if it is God's will I will be healed on earth. When I go to the cancer docs I always expect to hear " Mr. Atwell we can not find any evidence of cancer". Eights months after the first radiation treatment I was devastated when I still had cancer in my lungs. After the next radiation treatment cells "lit up in my Lungs and for the first time in my bladder, salivary glands and urinary tract and some place else I cannot remember. So my point to all of this today is I have to live in the now. Telling people what the doctors tell me is not being unfaithful. It is being realistic. If the LORD heals me here I plan to go where ever people want to hear my story of God's healing. If He heals me in heaven that is all good also. Praise the LORD! Glory to God
Tomorrow I answer the question: So do you have to decide everyday to get up off the couch and do something?
I am a Christian. Born again, washed in the blood. I regularly pray that my body is healed of cancer. I truly believe that God will heal me. It will either be here on earth or in heaven.
I hope and pray it is here on earth. But God's will be done.
Some of my Christian brethren I met on the street stop and ask me "what is the latest from the doctor?" Now here is what the good doc usually tells me. "Mr Atwell you still have numerous nodules in both lungs. The cancer has not spread and the radiation was well taken up in the last treatment. Because of the extensive nerve damage you will remain in pain. You remain at high risk for death". Yikes. So I tell people the doctors tell me they cannot cure me but can keep me alive for awhile. Then starts the: well now remember, doctors don't know the power of God, Doctors don't know everything, you tell them God is in control and the like.
I have learned to take their comments in stride . They mean well. I do really believe if it is God's will I will be healed on earth. When I go to the cancer docs I always expect to hear " Mr. Atwell we can not find any evidence of cancer". Eights months after the first radiation treatment I was devastated when I still had cancer in my lungs. After the next radiation treatment cells "lit up in my Lungs and for the first time in my bladder, salivary glands and urinary tract and some place else I cannot remember. So my point to all of this today is I have to live in the now. Telling people what the doctors tell me is not being unfaithful. It is being realistic. If the LORD heals me here I plan to go where ever people want to hear my story of God's healing. If He heals me in heaven that is all good also. Praise the LORD! Glory to God
Tomorrow I answer the question: So do you have to decide everyday to get up off the couch and do something?
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Just to refresh you my blog name came from my son Jack. Three years ago he asked me that question. "I know you have cancer but are you sick". He saw me walking around and not laying in bed and was wondering how I felt.
I hope nobody ever gets cancer. It is an experience that forever changes one's life forever. I really have not had a big physical change. My appearance is about the same as it has been for most of my adult life. The change has been emotional and changes to what I can do physically.
Emotionally it is a roller coaster. Highs and lows. One Dr. appointment the number is low which is good. The next Dr. appointment they think they found a new nodule. Next your in a tube getting scanned and then crying in a changing room. That was the last time I went to a doctor by myself. A roller coaster.
Nights are the worst. Pain, fever and loneliness. I was never a person who was afraid of the dark. Now however, I do not like sleeping in a completely dark room. I like to leave a fairly bright light on now. It bugs my wife I am sorry to say.
It is interesting to see people's reaction to me out in public if they have not seen me in a while. Shock that I am still kicking is a typical response. Then there is the person who says: "So you look good. They must have got it all huh?" I typically respond well not yet but we are fighting it. or I say the doctors tell me they will never get it all but can keep me alive for a awhile. I try to avoid the subject if at all possible.
My faith in Jesus as my savior gets me through a lot. I have had several full body scans. It takes a long time without being able to move. I pray. For myself, my family, people who I know who have cancer, and the list goes on. Let me say that I did not "find Jesus" after being diagnosed with cancer. I have been waling with the LORD for a while.
My father-in-law's funeral was last Friday. After the service we ate. A woman walked up to my wife and said "wow Charlie looks good for someone who is dying". A roller coaster.
Tomorrow or the next blog will talk about fellow believers and their responses.
I hope nobody ever gets cancer. It is an experience that forever changes one's life forever. I really have not had a big physical change. My appearance is about the same as it has been for most of my adult life. The change has been emotional and changes to what I can do physically.
Emotionally it is a roller coaster. Highs and lows. One Dr. appointment the number is low which is good. The next Dr. appointment they think they found a new nodule. Next your in a tube getting scanned and then crying in a changing room. That was the last time I went to a doctor by myself. A roller coaster.
Nights are the worst. Pain, fever and loneliness. I was never a person who was afraid of the dark. Now however, I do not like sleeping in a completely dark room. I like to leave a fairly bright light on now. It bugs my wife I am sorry to say.
It is interesting to see people's reaction to me out in public if they have not seen me in a while. Shock that I am still kicking is a typical response. Then there is the person who says: "So you look good. They must have got it all huh?" I typically respond well not yet but we are fighting it. or I say the doctors tell me they will never get it all but can keep me alive for a awhile. I try to avoid the subject if at all possible.
My faith in Jesus as my savior gets me through a lot. I have had several full body scans. It takes a long time without being able to move. I pray. For myself, my family, people who I know who have cancer, and the list goes on. Let me say that I did not "find Jesus" after being diagnosed with cancer. I have been waling with the LORD for a while.
My father-in-law's funeral was last Friday. After the service we ate. A woman walked up to my wife and said "wow Charlie looks good for someone who is dying". A roller coaster.
Tomorrow or the next blog will talk about fellow believers and their responses.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
I am Back! I have been inspired by by friend Mary Zanot to blog again. Just to refresh anyone I have stage 4 thyroid cancer. Yikes. I was diagnosed in March of 2008. Surgery, hypo thyroid, radiation x2, and for good measure a double heart bypass. Here I am in 2011 have not blogged since Last October. No chest pain and feeling pretty good.
My daughter Mary is at NAU (go Jacks). Jimmy is in Mesa and Jack is at home. We warming up for the empty nest.
Susan and I are still together. By the grace of God.
A subject I do not talk to much about is my financial situation. To be honest it has been a struggle. We go to the Old Town Mission food bank when we need too and the mortgage company has given us a do over. The utility company, and phone company have worked with us. Our church and friends have helped us keep our car going. One thing we do not have is direct TV anymore. I liked it because of my struggles at night but found I can make do without it.
A while back my primary health care provider advised me to "stop working and stay as healthy as possible". One day when the direct TV was still on I saw a commercial about a law firm that works on social security disability. I called them told them my situation and they offered to take my case. It was a good decision. The law firm of Binder and Binder did everything. Forms, filing doctor reports all at no up front cost to me. I was just declared disabled by social security. 25% of my retroactive payment goes to the lawyer but I think it was a good decision.
Getting the first payment has yet to happen. But when the ball gets rolling we are going to get above water for the first time in a long time. Glory to God!
More tomorrow on my attempt to live life to the fullest while having cancer.
My daughter Mary is at NAU (go Jacks). Jimmy is in Mesa and Jack is at home. We warming up for the empty nest.
Susan and I are still together. By the grace of God.
A subject I do not talk to much about is my financial situation. To be honest it has been a struggle. We go to the Old Town Mission food bank when we need too and the mortgage company has given us a do over. The utility company, and phone company have worked with us. Our church and friends have helped us keep our car going. One thing we do not have is direct TV anymore. I liked it because of my struggles at night but found I can make do without it.
A while back my primary health care provider advised me to "stop working and stay as healthy as possible". One day when the direct TV was still on I saw a commercial about a law firm that works on social security disability. I called them told them my situation and they offered to take my case. It was a good decision. The law firm of Binder and Binder did everything. Forms, filing doctor reports all at no up front cost to me. I was just declared disabled by social security. 25% of my retroactive payment goes to the lawyer but I think it was a good decision.
Getting the first payment has yet to happen. But when the ball gets rolling we are going to get above water for the first time in a long time. Glory to God!
More tomorrow on my attempt to live life to the fullest while having cancer.
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